


Love Breaks and Rebuilds

by shipsgalore



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellarke, F/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 19:49:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6128164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipsgalore/pseuds/shipsgalore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Please, Clarke, please just let me in!” He struggles to get the words out, getting cut off by the crack in his voice, because she won’t let him in and it hurts so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Breaks and Rebuilds

**Author's Note:**

> this is slightly ooc, so I apologize in advance for that, and this is my first work so I hope to get better as I go

She sits on one side of the door, listening as he pounds on the other side with his fist and yelling at her to let him in. She sits against the peninsula trying to stop herself from crying, but can’t because his frantic voice on the other end just brings more tears to her eyes. She sits and listens to the pounding of the door and tries not to scream at him to leave. 

“Please, Clarke, please just let me in!” He struggles to get the words out, getting cut off by the crack in his voice, because she won’t let him in and it hurts so much.  
.  
.  
.

They say that love is the only thing to make someone whole and tear them apart. That, setting aside the obvious benefits to love, there will always be the terrible things that loom in the shadows. Clarke grew up believing this because her parents weren’t in love anymore, and the divorce that was pending seemed to keep getting set on hold, making their lives more stressful and full of hatred. 

The benefits of love didn’t become apparent until she met Octavia Blake her freshman year of college. The girl was a ball of defiance and could literally kick anybody’s ass, but she had a sweet side, the side that she only showed to her older brother. He was the TA of their floor, and Clarke had him in her elective Latin class. 

Bellamy and Clarke didn’t really talk, sure she’d seen him lounging around in their dorm, but she’d never felt the need to spark up any conversation with him, he was there and she was there, but they were never there together. 

By second semester of sophomore year the three of them turned into the eight of them and it was good. They were a constant in her life. When her dad died though, it seemed that everything that had been good in her life was sucked away. 

It was a car crash and Bellamy had held her in his arms when she’d collapsed on the hospital floor screaming and crying over the death of her dad. The funeral was three days later and clarke had angrily flung dirt onto her dad’s casket, her mother standing two feet behind her with Kane tucked into her side. 

A part of her hated Abby even more, she had found love again in Kane, her dad never had, and it hurt to think that he never would. 

Junior year of college and Bellamy was her best friend, they practically shared an apartment, meaning she was always there and her stuff littered nearly every space imaginable: her books on the coffee table, bobby pins piling up on his bathroom sink, and some of her clothes tucked into his closet considering he didn’t have a spare bedroom. She had her own apartment, but considered his home. 

“Have you ever noticed how he hasn’t been bringing girls over lately? Since you’ve started sticking around more and your shit is almost everywhere, I haven’t had to awkwardly intervene when one of his one night stands got too clingy and didn’t get the message,” Octavia states one winter evening when Bellamy leaves the room to go into the kitchen.

“Not really. And I don’t spend that much time over here, besides it’s not like he cares if I do or not,” protested Clarke. Octavia rolled her eyes and called out to her brother that she was meeting her boyfriend for dinner and that she’d call him later. 

“Think about it,” she whispers into her ear and slams the door behind her when she leaves. Bellamy walks back into the room with a pop and bowl of popcorn and tilts his head when he sees her staring at a space just above the tv. 

By second semester junior year she’s realized that she’s practically in love with Bellamy Blake, which makes spending nights on his couch with him slightly awkward because usually they’ll fall asleep and wake up tangled together, but it was okay before she knew how she felt, it wasn’t weird. Now her heart sped up anytime the thought crossed her mind.

She walks into his apartment after opening it with her spare key, she also finds that slightly weird because nobody but Octavia has spare key to his apartment, and finds him asleep on the couch with a book tented up, resting on his chest. Clarke smiles softly and slides the book out of his hands and rests it on the coffee table. He stirs and opens an eye to peek at her, she tilts her head and grins.

“You fell asleep,” she comments lazily, watching as he shrugs limply and sits up slowly to stretch out the muscles. 

“I haven’t been sleeping much lately,” he says in response, she nods in understanding, because she ought to understand considering she interns at the hospital across the street.

“I’ll leave so you can get some sleep, go to bed, Bellamy,” she urges. He tries to blink back his exhaustion but it makes his eyelids stick together longer than they usually do, and he concedes.

“Mhm, lay down with me? I know you get even less sleep than I do.” It’s a request mixed in with a demand, like most of the stuff he says is because that’s just how it comes out, but when he stands up and holds out a hand, she knows that he’s trying to make it more of a request, because Bellamy Blake has never been known to pressure anybody into anything, except when he pushed Octavia into college.

“Sure, Bell.” 

And that’s how she wakes up in Bellamy’s bed five hours later, with his arm wrapped around her waist and their legs tangled together like a puzzle. He tightens his grip on her waist letting her know that he’s awake and she rolls over onto her side to look at him, also putting some distance between them.

“You don’t look as tired,” she comments, wanting to bring her hands up and smooth out the space under his eyes where bags have formed from his late night studies and early morning classes, but doesn’t because that would be awkward. He hums in agreement. They stare at eachother for a few minutes, and in those few minutes she can see the hesitation in his eyes.

“I always sleep better when I’m around you,” he says rushed, trying to get the words out before he chickens out and keeps his mouth shut forever. Clarke smiles up at him and lets her hand trace its way up to his cheek. This boy has been her best friend for two year now, and she’s loved him every second of every day, and didn’t even recognize the feeling until three months ago.

“Are you flirting with me Bellamy Blake?” She asks in surprise, and he narrows his eyes at the way they come out, dripping in sarcasm and a hint of laughter squeezed in between the words. But it’s usual for them to hold that, because that’s how she normally talks. 

“Maybe,” he answers, and she responds by pushing herself closer to him and kissing him softly on the lips, wanting it to last as long as possible. He kisses her back and she smiles slightly halfway through, because she is kissing Bellamy Blake and it’s the most amazing feeling in her life. Her heart swells in her chest and when they both pull back to take much needed gasps of breath they are both smiling this lazy and happy smile that seems euphoric in ways.

“I’d be okay with this happening a lot more often if you are,” she comments and he answers her by kissing her again, this time with more heat. It feels amazing.

Senior year, end of second semester, and all of them are graduating with different majors on their mind but with the same excitement as freshman year. Bellamy picks Clarke up and twirls her around in a circle, all the while kissing her and knowing that it won’t be the only thing that happens that night. 

Clarke starts medical school and Bellamy starts at the police academy, and that’s the first major fight they have as a couple. All of the other fights added up couldn’t even compare to this one.

“WHAT IF YOU DON’T COME BACK BELLAMY? WHAT IF YOU DON’T COME BACK?!” She screams it at the top of lungs from her stance on one side of the coffee table, while Bellamy stands three feet away with his chest heaving and a look so torn up that it makes her heart drop into the abyss in her stomach. “I won’t be able to go through the rest of my life with my heart torn from chest because you died in the line of duty, you can’t die Bellamy, because I won’t live.” And if her voice cracks halfway through and she starts crying again, they both know why. 

“I can’t promise I won’t get hurt, because I can die any time of any day; from getting hit by a bus, or choking on a piece of food, or any other possibility written in the book. I know the chances are higher, but I want to help people, I need to make a difference in the world, and if it means dying to get it to happen, well than I’ll die. But before any of that happens, you need to know that I love you and I will try my damned hardest to make sure it doesn’t happen.” 

Her tears fall faster now, but she walks towards him and tries to bury herself into him. She doesn’t want him to do this, but she knows that she can’t stop him from wanting this.

And they're happy for a time. It comes and goes in pieces, often the time is spent with her worrying about Bellamy, and Octavia stays over most times to just and keep Clarke company. Maybe that's when he realizes it, that he's making her unhappy, even if that isn't what is running through her mind at all. And he tries to show how much he loves her in the small amount of time they share together, but it doesn't work because she's still closing herself off (read: she is usually closed off) and worrying about him more than med school.

So he leaves. She's in her third year of med school and just starting her internship at Arkadia General Hospital, and she comes home after her required 48 hour shift to tell him in more detail about what happened, but he isn't there and none of his stuff is either. And she breaks because he left even though he said he never would.  
.  
.  
.

Now she’s in her third year of her internship at Mercy General Hospital and the pounding at her door has stopped but she knows that he’s still out there. She still sits against the peninsula but the tears have stopped falling from her eyes. 

“Please let me in, Clarke,” he says through the door, but it comes through muffled and distorted. She gets up shakily from the floor and walks the short distance to the door and leans against it before sliding down and sitting against it instead. 

“I trusted you, Bell, I trusted you and I loved you, and what did it count for?” She hears him let out a shaky breath. 

“I know -- I know and I still left, but I didn’t -- I didn’t do it to hurt you,” he breaks off realizing that it’s exactly what happened anyway, that he left and he hurt her and she’s still hurting.

“I love you, Clarke, I love you so much, please just let me in.” He hears the deadbolt unlock and then the door opens, and she’s standing there in a sweatshirt two sizes too big, leggings, and her hair tied up but stray pieces flying everywhere from the amount of times she’s run her hands through it. And it hurts. It hurts to see her like this because he caused this.

She crashes into him and he staggers back, but the feeling of her pressed into him again makes him breathe a breath of relief, and he fits his head between the groove of her shoulder and neck, breathing her in.

“You left me, Bell,” she whispers again and it causes both of their hearts to stutter.

“I left you, but I’m back, and I’m so sorry,” he whispers back and wraps her further into him because he’s missed her so much and every part of his being is singing with happiness at having her back.

“Please don’t leave me again.”

“I promise not to leave you again.”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://neiljostm.tumblr.com/)


End file.
